I feel sick, sick, SICK!

Fuck. Google this DVD and look at the back cover. YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE BACK COVER! It made me want to vomit into my laptop. Dead center there is a photo of what my friends affectionately refer to as a “pink sock.” It’s basically when a girl’s asshole is an outty instead of an inny. It’s vile. There are nine other smaller pink socks and gaping holes peppered around the main image. I do not judge what turns people on. If high heels popping balloons does it for you, super. I don’t care. I have my own problems to worry about. I don’t concern myself with what others do. But this shit? I fail to understand what anyone could find sexy about a girl’s ass hanging out. I mean, it makes me laugh; I’m entertained by stupid human tricks. But I don’t think I could milk out some happy juice to a prolapsed rectum. That’s just me. Maybe it’s your thing. If it’s not, you still need to buy this DVD just to hear the theme song. The disc starts out with black porn actor/director/producer/rapper Brian Pumper rapping a theme song in a weird Russian accent that goes like this, “I’m the Gapeman, I come to cause mass ass destruction and create big hole/Call me the Gapeman/Call me the Gapeman/When she’s done with me she won’t be able to shit, fam/I destroy the rectum and make the hole so big, man [Here he uses his hands to make a big circle to indicate just how large a hole he’ll be creating]/I want to make a hole/I want to see the pink meat/I want to make hole like three feet deep/Call me the Gapeman/I don’t play, man/Bring anal destruction, the ass I break, man/You know the case, man/Switch up the pace, man/Do it quicker, pound harder/Nut on the face, man/She straight get fucked/Niggas don’t want pussy, straight to the butt/She nasty, she a slut/She a real slut/I’m happy I see inside, make me wanna nut/I want to stretch muscles/I want to make it right/I want to spread it open, I want to see inside. [Refrain] Call me the Gapeman/Call me the Gapeman/When she’s done with me she won’t be able to shit, fam.”

This is got to be one of the worst porno's of all time. Almost worse than Amy Fisher's. And tha's saying something.

Tres chic

Mum of the Year (hahahahahahahaha!) Kerry Katona is topless and talentless on a beach. Whoop de doo Basil, but what's with her tits. Seriously...bad op or what. Looks like an empty bag of microwaveable basmati rice. And you know...i don't find that too sexy.

Amanda Holden and her hard nipples are pointless

She's not hot enough for me to tolerate he; she's a useless lump of plastic shit. Britain's Got Talent? BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT? My arse hole it does. Slug faced ass wipe Piers Morgan and closet fag Simon Cowell (and his hot hairy ape body) are enough to not pull any viewers, so why don't they replace this hag with Elsa Patacky or Camilla Belle? Oh, Amanda is a 'sexy' M.I.L.F, well Britain has 100 better milfs than this used up jizz bag. Isn't that right Elizabeth Hurley (holy fuck), Orla Brady(she's hot hot hot, trust me), Jennifer Saunders (my future ex wife) and i'd even poke Carole Thatcher. JOKE.

Sharon Stone upskirt

Tight in the face but not the pussy it would seem. I still think she's hot. Even if she a crazy vunt who lost parental control over her son because she wanted to inject his feet with poison and flashes her pussy for fun and for her work. I'd still do her. Do her hard.

First ime Fatties.

I admit it; i'd fuck a fattie. But in limits. She has to have pretty face for a pig, and good teeth/hair. Now, after sampling this DVD with Chris 'i'm so hipster' Nieratko, (what a stupid name), it makes me feel sick. I wouldn't touch any of them with a greasy barge pole. And i don't even have standards. Well, i do actually. Kerry Katona wouldn't get it, and she offered me some behind Iceland last tuesday. I did a runner.

Pink topless

Here she is with her little tits. I don't like her. Having big juicy tits wouldn't change that. She thinks she's hardcore punk with her American Apparell get up and look at me attitude but she's just a closet dyke. I guess she can sing; because mllionsof 12 year oldswith fat belies love her globally. "So what? I'm still a rockstar"-well no, you're not you're a product of EMI and their popular culture shit storm, posing for OK! Magazine and being 'outspoken'. In your FACE Jack Straw.

Kristin Cavallari is talented

You know, some women confuse me. There are 2 types that befuddle me; the ones with beautiful faces and so-so bodies, and the one's with rocking bods and the ick faces. Your butterfaces, what have you...Kristin Cavallari is neither. She's not ugly. She's not gorgeous. She is average but hot. I don't understand. As far as bikini pictures go these are by far the best, based solely on the sheer number of bikinis, don’t get me wrong they’re by no means the hottest but the more the merrier I always say. She is a nobody, here at Cosmopolitan magazine’s Second Annual Bikini Bash at the Nikki Beach Club in South Beach. Yet another party I wasn’t invited to, bloggers need vacations too. It’s probably for the best, I would just chase the girls around in fast-motion like something you’d see in old Benny Hill shows. Classic.

Brooke Hogan Is A Pole Dancer

Daddy likes! As in Hulk Hogan not me. You know...oh boy! This is not going to be pretty. When I think of Brooke Hogan and Pole Dancing good thoughts don’t exactly come rushing into my head. The images that do come to mind are memories from a couple of summers ago when I was in Greece and there was some sort of tranny stripper show at some club on the beach. Except that dude looked more like a woman than Brooke does.

Chanelle Hayes & Chantelle Houghton: Useless Slappers

Here are Chantelle Houghton and Chanelle Hayes at some Liverpool Fashion Week party showing off the goods, It’s not often you see two stunning beauties out on the town together, of course when I say “beauties” I mean drunken jobless slappers but who’s keeping track? It’s nice of them to attempt to cover their faces for us but unfortunately it doesn’t quite do the trick, I recommend a pillow case or paper bag because they’re environmentally friendly. Their faces are so beautiful and their talent dumbfounds me.

Chris Tarrant follows Chris Brown.

The Daily Mail reports "TV presenter Chris Tarrant is believed to have been arrested on suspicion of assault after a woman alleged she was attacked at his home during a domestic incident.

According to reports, police were called to the home of the Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? star in the early hours of yesterday morning.
The 62-year-old was then taken to Staines police station where he was questioned and released without charge."

He apparently stinks of fish and has a small cock so i don't know why she's with him. Oh wait, he's a millionaire. Bitch deserves this. No, all joke aside, this is bad. IF he did hit her or whatever. The bastard should be punished. How about a reprise of Tiswas? But if he didn't, you know....the ho that cried domestic violence.

Pure class.

The most beautifulest creature on this planet we all live in temporarily slipped of her exquisite lucite heels to give back to those less fortunate. Yesterday, the epitome of elegance, Shauna Sand, visited a shoe orphanage on Melrose and gave some needy shoes a reason to go on. In fact, those boots were a pair of old, dusty, worn out UGGS ! When Shauna slipped her precious feet in them, glittered showered from the sky and a thunderbolt hit them. They were reborn! Now they are fit for a queen! Specifically, a queen who hosts bingo once a week at Hamburger Mary's.
And below is The Empress wearing the most elegant dress(?) your eyes did ever see. A dress that was made from the jizz drops of angels! My only wish in life is that Shauna will wear this ravishing ensemble while she's giving the eulogy at my funeral. And by "eulogy," I mean pole dance.

You're not Tori Amos. FUCK OFF.

Lady CaCa looked like a giant butt nugget surrounded by fart bubbles at the opening night of her tour in San Diego last night. This might have worked if there were hamsters in each bubble. Rabid hamsters that would have broke out of their bubbles and mauled her face, which would have been an improvement.

The Empress of Lucite is lying in a pool of tears at the sight of those exquisite lucite heels being wasted on Lady CaCa. This is not what Shauna Sand had in mind for the future of lucite!
In all honestly, if Bjork was wearing this Don Ho shit, I'd probably get on my eyes and worship her. But it's not Bjork, it's Lady CaCa, so it looks like just a pile of queef bubbles on a big turd.

Kerry Katona hits more lows.

The Daily Mail reports "Even by the incredible topsy-turvy standards of the world inhabited by Kerry Katona, this is an amazing change of heart.Yesterday morning, the papers were full of the reality star's claims that she had dumped husband Mark Croft because he had 'bled her dry'.
She accused him of mismanaging her money to such an extent that she had trouble paying the bills and said she didn't want him in her life any more.

But then, in stunning scenes outside the less-than-salubrious location of Tesco, in Macclesfield, she happily - and very publicly - kissed and made up with the father of her two youngest children".

Whatever. The bitch is bipolar. What? So is Stephen Fry, he's not a complete cunt. Go fuck yourself already. Oh wait, she already has done on film. And her tits are saggy. Oh my.

Prince Hot Ginge's Hot Sexy Nails

It's like that?! I guess it is, because Prince Hot Ginge left Raffles in London last night with a little pink poking out of his pants and his nails covered in some fine, sexy polish. Bitch has got a freaky side! You know he's got a garter, pink thigh-highs and a bustier underneath his normal clothes. No-no popping shit!

Whatever game Prince Hot Ginge wants to play, I've got the dice for. I'll just swing by Vicky's Secret to get him something super pretty and then we can do this. I'll give him a manicure while he gives me a butticure. To quote Adina Howard, or the Sugababes (why am i doing this?) "I want a freak in the morning, a freak in the evening!"

Who's ya daddy?

Birthday Sluts

Sly Stone (66)
Eva Amurri (24)
Kellan Lutz (24)
Will.i.am (34)
Eva Longoria (34)
Mark Hoppus (37)
Penny Lancaster (38)
Kim Raver (40)
Mark McGrath (41)
Bret Michaels (46)
Terence Trent D'Arby (47)
Fabio (50)

Rihanna wears fur. Bitch...

She's got an animal on her back. And this time it's not Chris Brown. GONG and exit stage left!!
RiRi left Da Silvano in NYC last night with some kind of Ikea rug thing laying on her back, my pepaw's shades over her eyes and some leather gloves that look like they were made with ace bandages (awkward).

Why is RiRi stepping out with fur on her back after all the shit she has been through? Does she really want Peta busting a flour bomb on her ass? Or maybe that furry rabid creature on her back is still alive and ready to pounce at a moment's notice. It's protecting her ass from getting Ike Turnered (Khia is my idol) again. Keep on, keep on....

Mischa Barton is ugly. Still.

I have to say that I like skinny chicks but there’s such a thing as too skinny, Lindsay Lohan is pushing the limits, here’s Mischa Barton's frail little figure at some event she shouldn’t have been invited to. She hasn’t had a job in years and it’s starting to show, it looks like she hasn’t had a good meal in a very long time either. Her body is shrinking so quickly her dress can barely stay on, eat a candy bar or something or go eat at Jessica Simpson's house....lots of food there. This girls face is starting to freak me out.

Nicole Scherzinger Nip Slip

Nicole Scherzinger and the Pussycat Dolls were performing in Amsterdam and as you can see Nicole had a major nipple slip. If you’re a fan of chicks with huge areolla’s you’ll love Nicole’s. Now I’m not 100% sure if this is real but if it is, enjoy! That shit is massive. Kinda gross. But she's still one of the hottest sluts out there.

Lindsay Lohan’s Girlfriend Got Muscles!

Here’s firecrotch leaving a hair salon and holy shit has Sam Ronson been hitting the Gym?

On another note, check out the titty action in this pic. Delicious.

Kerry Katona isn't fat. But is still dumpy.

Kerry, who suffers from bipolar disorder, is much happier now, reveals her trainer.
He adds, "Kerry has found exercising improves her moods. It's amazing how much more positive she's been since I first met her.
"She was determined to change her lifestyle so she was in the right mindset. She loves exercising now, and it's given her a good reason to get up in the mornings."
Scott says that Kerry is very motivated, "I'd heard of Kerry before and knew everything she's been through. But I found her to be one of the most motivated people I've ever trained.
"She got into it within a few weeks. And she was determined. If she ever lost her enthusiasm and said in the middle of a run, 'I can't go on any more,' which was rare, I'd tell her she was letting me down, and that would get her going again!
"She's still smoking, but there's no way I'd let her have a cigarette during our sessions!"

Whatever, she stills lookls too soft for me. And her face....someone say bulldog?

Rachael Leigh Cook: Forgotten Hottie

Here’s Rachael Leigh Cook looking absolutely stunning at the Creative Coalition’s 2009 Inaugural Ball. It’s not often we see Rachael at events like this because she went from being the young “It” girl to the young girl no one cares about anymore. Rachael should be back in the limelight in no time though if she keeps heading out looking like that! Or at the very least, back on Hollywood Tuna

Paris Hilton's Magic tits.

It looks like Paris Hilton has brought back an old friend for us, a very supportive friend, a special friend that makes her meat balls look more like meat loaves. I’m talking of course about her magical push up bra that should be sold nationwide, for like a dollar, so that chesticularly challenged women everywhere can look like they’ve just had 400cc’s of silicone pumped into their chest. The world would be a happier place.

Desperation ain't a good look.

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Fatboy Slim’s family talk about his drinking problem

We were quite shocked by yesterday’s news that Norman Cook has checked himself into rehab – and now members of his family have spoken out about how determined the 45-year-old DJ is to tackle his drinking problem. “He was very positive,” says his sister Lois. “He said ‘I’m a stubborn bugger. I am going to stick with this until I’ve beaten it.’ I’m very proud that he’s made the decision to get some help. There’s only so long you can keep up the DJ lifestyle and at some point you’ve got to say enough is enough.” Norman’s dad Ronald, 87, added, “Clearly I am concerned about him, but I am glad that he is doing something about it.” Friends of Fatboy have also revealed that he’s had a drinking problem “for some time”. However, his wife Zoe Ball is keeping quiet about the news, and performed on Let’s Dance For Comic Relief last Saturday with Suggs...ya know Sugga, he was in Madness. Oh?

Blur set their first gig in NINE years!

heatworld used to be a member of the Blur Fan Club – in fact, we even met our best friend via the penpal page (seriously! And 12 years on, we still spend our time wittering on to each other about our unhealthy Alex James obsession) so this is the most exciting news we’ve heard in ages. Blur have just confirmed their first gig in NINE WHOLE YEARS. Three quarters of the band (minus Graham, because it was during his moody phase) last played at London’s Royal Festival Hall in 2000, but now the FULL line-up – that’s Damon, Alex, Dave and Graham – will play at London’s Hyde Park on Friday 3 July next year. SCREAM! Sorry, Blur fans aren’t supposed to scream are they? *nods aloofly instead* Tickets go on sale this Friday (12 December) at 9am, and cost £45. Now, where did we put our flared cords and Adidas Gazelles…?

Rihanna and Chris Brown record a duet.

He beat me under my umbrella-ella-ella-ella oh oh eh eh eh oh.

Oooh, bad taste.

"This whole Rihanna hoo-ha just gets more and more unbelievable by the minute, doesn’t it? The latest story from the US is that she and Chris Brown are now recording a duet together. Yes, a duet – as if they’re Troy and Gabriella, Kylie and Jason or Sonny and Cher, and not embroiled in the middle of a whole assault mess. Apparently Chris is hoping to include the track on his new album, which is due out later this year (will anyone buy it? That will be very interesting indeed…) – and the reports claim that he and Rihanna have been holed up in a Santa Monica recording studio working on it for the past few days. While speakyfolk for both singers have declined to comment, producer Adonis Shropshire has confirmed that, after a brief break, Rihanna is keen to get stuck into her work. “You have to remember, she's a kid still," he says. "So with anybody who goes through something in the world, you have to bring yourself out of it so I guess her refuge is her music.”

Fair enough – but does she really have to work with her (allegedly allegedly allegedly) dodgy boyfriend? What the hell will they sing about?!"

Sam Heuston pussy flash.

I have been surgerd with Big Brother past nobody sluts. Here is Sam Heuston, a bi-sexual stripper student who was in a previous series. She's hot and manky.

Sam Fox is back!

Nice camel toe Sam, but shoe us your tits. She loosk kinda bad actually. She kinda freaks me out. Nice belt though. Tres chic.

Nicole Kidman camel toe.

I have no words. Oscar worthy....no.

Charlie Uchea. Who?

This nasty looking ho was apprently in Big Brother in 2008 and famnous for...for...being a bitch? Oh, and being called a nigga on C4. Live. Haha. Oh i mean, her tits. her face. Strange. She looks like a pitbull. Bang it?

Kate Moss and her booty.

Woah, Kate Moss the world's second highest paid model looks damn good. I mean fucking awful. I don't believe she is the second highest paid. Second to spicoli. At least Gisele has a fucking rocking body. This bitch angers me. Cokate is a slut. With not even a nie pair of tits. It's not tolerable.

WOW, Sienna Miller's body is womanly perfection. NOT!

Slutty mcslutty flashes her huge, gorgeoys tits for the paps. DAMN.

Danielle Loyd. Yes please.

Talentless fuck Danielle Loyd looks hot in this motnh's issue of FHM. Or is is Nuts. Or Zoo? FUCK KNOWS. She has nice fake tits.

Amy Winehouse topless. Sorry.

My life is over.

Shauna Sand and her tits on a segway.

What’s with this Shauna Sand garbage? Normally I would think that a big boobed blond in a bikini and trashy heels riding pretty much anything would be pretty hot, but these pictures of her riding a segway in her trashy 80’s stripper heels aren’t quite doing it for me. That’s not true, the shots from behind are working quite well but once you get around to the front you’re in for a nasty old surprise.

Audrina Patridge and her retarded hot tits.

Hubba. If you’re like me and happen to find jobless skinny chicks with no upper lip, a lazy eye and fake boobs pretty f@#king hot, then these shots of Audrina Patridge’s big tits falling out of her bikini top in Hawaii should be right up your alley. If I had a job where all I did was lounge around on the beach drinking beers and working on my tan, I’d be a homeless man in southern California. Sexist double standard. Ow!

Mick Jagger's daughters are fucking ugly.

This is Mick Jagger and Jerry Hall’s daughter Georgia May Ayeesha Jagger, she is 17 and you’d think too young to be a jacked on coke/heroin hipster fashionista slut, but I guess when you’ve got a trust fund, you’re never too young to go to fashion shows, dress in designer clothes unshowered and lookin’ like a fucking monster, I bet she has her own artist loft and has had anal sex at least twice.

The Holy Grail. Nicolette Sheridan pussy slip!

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Brooke Hogan. No thanks.

This girls has class. And she doesn't look like her Dad. At all. Some girl just told me about how she has a lesbian fantasy, when I told her that most girls want to get with other girls and asked why she hasn’t made the move yet, she told me that the only girl she’s ever even almost with was her 16 year old sister. They were drunk at a party and decided to make out. I figured that was weird but then she went into how she masturbated with her 16 year old sister more than once, one time was watching porn in her room and another time while having phone sex with one of their boyfriends and the whole thing was pretty fucking hot, at least a lot hotter than the thought of Brooke Hogan and her brother fucking, even if she’s dressed like a 90s video dance party in your face.

Jordan not 'staged' photogs.

So exhibitionist, successful slut, borderline prostitute, with the dumbest set of fake tits, and the ability to pretty much attach her name to any useless product, was out at the beach, but instead of being half naked and sucking on a set of testicles while getting her pussy licked, like you’d expect the whore to be, at least based on her shitty sex tape that hit years ago, she’s wearing a couple towels and covering up more than a Muslim chick or that pilgrim lookin’orthodox jew I saw outside with her 8 kids the other day and who I asked if she would come over to host my thanksgiving party where we pretend to rape and pilage natives, but she just ignored me, I guess her religion raped and pilaged her vagina enough to not have a sense of humor, but maybe it was just because she’s not allowed to communicate with non jews since we’re heathans, but more likely it’s just that it wasn’t funny and I should have gone with my horse and buggy joke instead.
Either way, I wish some bitches took Jordan’s lead and wrapped the fuck up when it came to bikini time, I’m talking to you fat chicks.

Jordan not 'staged' photogs.

Ulrika becomes the new face of incontinence. Yes, really.

Swedish cum bag, and former Gladiators presents, HA!, is the new face of Tenna Lady.

"“The fact is that nearly five million women under the age of 40 suffer from this embarrassing condition,” she says. “It's a staggering number – but it's little wonder that women keep quiet. Which is, as far as I'm concerned, shameful.” Yep, Ulrika says she’s using her privileged position to try and take a wee bit of the shame away from the condition. “The reason I feel so passionate about LAI is because I realised that, as uninhibited as I am, I had never talked to anyone about it,” she says. “I can't bear the thought of women suffering alone, in silence and feeling so alienated by this condition through absolutely no fault of their own. I mean, there is nothing adult about panicking every time you laugh or sneeze and feeling that you're losing control, so it's so easy to understand the stigma.” You’ll be pleased to hear, though, that Ulrika is now “back in control” after “slaving away at my pelvic-floor exercises” – but she’s still putting her name to the Always Envive Sense and Sensitivity campaign to help other women suffering from the problem. So, that’s two Celebrity Big Brother contestants who’ve surprised us in a matter of hours – first there was Coolio’s drugs bust, and now Ulrika flogging incontinence pads. What next, a Mini Me sex tape? Oh hang on, we watched that months ago… for research purposes, you understand.

PISS HEAD.

Jade Goodey gets 'hammered'...see what i did?

Hahahahahahahahaha! Hahaha! Haha! Ha! H! a! HA!

"We’re still reeling from the news that a woman broke into Jade’s hospital room with a hammer over the weekend, so we can only imagine how other patients and staff at the Royal Marsden must feel about it. Although Jade is not planning to press charges over the bizarre incident, the hospital have decided to speak out about how the woman managed to get in, amid disturbing rumours that an oblivious member of staff actually directed her to Jade’s room. “The privacy and security of our patients, carers and staff is of the utmost importance,” says a spokesperson for the central London hospital. “Given the extent of the recent media attention, the Royal Marsden had already implemented a number of additional security arrangements, including the hire of additional security staff. A security guard was situated outside the patient’s room, but was patrolling the ward when the woman entered. Nursing and security staff promptly alerted the police. The woman was escorted from the Royal Marsden by the police and, we understand, has been released without charge.” Understandably, Jade is now keener than ever to return home and spend time with her family. We hope she gets her wish soon."

Oh. My. Sick.

Every star, from A-list to C, D and Z-list, seems to own a Herve Leger bandage dress – or at least the best high-street knock-off they can find – but we never thought we’d see Beth Ditto embracing the trend. The ever-confident Gossip front-lady got her hands on one of the figure-hugging frocks to wear to Stella McCartney’s Paris Fashion Week show, and teamed it with some quirky shoes – not that anyone paid much attention to those. So, do you think Beth can rock the bandage look as well as all those size-zero starlets, or has she committed a major fashion crime? Fat pig, fat pig, fat pig. Don't hail her as a rock icon. She's a fat shit.

Pam Anderson brings it. Kinda.

She is cheap and slutty and not even THAT hot anymore. But i will always love her. Ha. Pamela Anderson brought her superior sense of class and wonky nipple to the runway of the Vivienne Westwood fashion show this weekend. Click to view, if you dare!...

Celeb man hands. Ha ha.

Guess who!

Celebrity Man Arms Explained

Paris Hilton Flaps Her Wings

That's A Man Hand Baby!

Ha ha. The trannies.

Vince Vaughn or grizzy bear?

Vince Vaughn looked a little bit grizzly on his way out of the Arclight movie theater in LA Sunday night after catching a screening of Watchmen. The actor was only one of the many fans who trekked to see the film, which helped it handily win first place at the box office. Newly engaged Vince didn't have his fiance Kyla Weber by his side, so perhaps she's more of a romantic walk on the beach kind of girl instead of a graphic novel enthusiast. Congrats to the happy couple whatever their date nights include.